Food For One

As you can imagine I find this whole food thing frustrating. It's no secret Bob and I had many a battle over grocery store shopping and cooking. You'd think I would be thrilled to have the kitchen to myself. Not so. Somewhere during our 55 years together I lost my desire to cook. I am not at all excited about the kitchen regardless of who's in it.

I was sure it was in bad shape so I made cleaning it one of my first tasks after Bob died. Now when you look in my refrigerator it looks like a display model, almost nothing in it. I had no idea you could have so many groceries out of date but the pantry was full of outdated food.

I have no interest in food and certainly no interest in cooking. I can see why eating is such an issue with some older people. I try different things but so far have not come up with a workable solution.
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I'm sure Bob was walking those golden streets Monday wringing his hands and telling St. Peter, "See, I told you she couldn't make it without me to tell her what to do." The light came on in my car to tell me I was out of gas. Horrors I thought. No doubt that's the first time that light was ever on in that car.  Bob never let it get below half full. I was near the gas station so it was no crisis and no doubt I'll remember from now on to check it.

I don't like cars. I consider them a necessary evil. Public transportation is good here but trains and buses do not run up and down neighborhood streets. You've got to get to designated places on your own before you can ride it.. When you're young that's not a problem but as we age it often becomes problematic.

That means I'll keep driving and watch the gas gauge closer.

Sometimes It Pays To Be Old

This week I took Bob to Home Depot to see about getting the screen part replaced in a window screen from our son's front porch. It was a small screen not much bigger than a foot across either way. Just right for a cat looking to escape. Push that screen and you're out, out into the jaws of the fox that wanders the neighborhood.

I left him to deal with the folks in the window screen section and I went off to buy oscillating fans. When we met back up I saw he was accompanied by a friendly young man carrying a roll of screen material and a tool.

They were bantering back and forth and I knew instantly the young man had fallen for Bob's charm. That snow white hair melts the hearts of all who meet him. He's friendly, a big tease, loves to talk and can talk his way through most any situation.

It seemed this young man was going to accompany us to our car. I was puzzled because I knew if he expected to give me instructions for replacing that screen we were in big trouble.

As we walked along I realized he was walking Bob out to his car and the young man was going to repair the screen at our car!  That's exactly what happened. I unlocked the car and the young man set to work in the back of our mini-van. In a flash we had a perfectly repaired screen.

Sometimes it pays to be old.
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Sent text message to daughter this morning. Feeling a little desperate about getting a handle on my own eating habits. It's clear I eat when stressed. If Bob lives five more years I'll be dead from overeating.

It's unfortunate he's so obsessed about food. That is the one thing I need to think about as little as possible. I can handle eating a diabetic diet when all is well in my world. Apparently I cannot handle it when all is not well in my world.

I threw out the idea to daughter that perhaps I needed to see some kind of food/behavior counsellor. Her response follows.

"Unfortunately, I don't see that seeing someone about food will help your situation. Dad drives the focus/discussion about food. He's the stressor in your world right now and he'll sabotage any plan you try to follow. Not fair by any means...but not going to change. God knows you've tried.

Maybe someone to help with stress/anxiety management. Maybe someone you can just vent to. There might be a person who can help giving advice on living with someone with declining health. Don't know.

Also might talk with the doctor about small dose of medication for anxiety to take the edge off. Easier to manage situations when you aren't hanging from the roof by your fingertips. 

I'm sorry it is so hard right now. I'll do what I can when I'm there, but it doesn't help you today."

I don't think a caregiver support group is the answer. I don't see any benefit to sitting in a circle listening to other caregivers tell their stories who have it much worse than I do.

I don't know that meds are the answer. I'm okay with caregiving if I could just get this food thing under control.

I can have my day well planned before he gets up and as likely as not in an hour he's shot those plans right out the window. Then it often results in eating what's quickest to grab which too often means fast food.

Next thing you know I'm grazing, putting everything I can find in my mouth.

I signed on for this job 54 years ago and I'm truly not feeling sorry for myself. I just need to get a handle on this food thing before I damage my own health.

Any suggestions?

Okra and Cornbread

As much as I love living in the Pacific Northwest there are a few things I miss about Texas, actually only two things, okra and white cornbread mix.

I'm not big on veggies, can't say that I've ever been, but there are two that top the list for me, okra and yellow summer squash. The first year we lived in Oregon I was very distressed the stores did not carry okra. 

I later learned people in the Pacific Northwest have not acquired a taste for okra because it doesn't grow well here. It takes a long season of very hot sunshine to grow okra.  The growing season here is not long enough, the weather is too cool, and there's not enough hot sunshine.

Oh how I longed for okra, but then a WalMart Grocery went in and I thought to myself that just might be the answer I'd been waiting for. Their headquarters is in Arkansas. They should be familiar with okra so off I went and indeed found it frozen.  What a wonderful sight.

The same thing happened with cornbread mix.  I like white cornbread but could only find yellow.  I contacted the Martha White company and was informed it was only distributed in the southern states. The first few years we were here our daughter would bring several packages when she came to visit. WalMart solved that problem as well.  I now have two items I buy at WalMart.

A new WalMart Grocery opened near us so I stopped by to see if they stocked okra and white cornbread mix.  I discovered they do more than that, they have a small section listed as "Southern Seasoned" food.  My southern sister-in-law tells me their Glory brand southern seasoned green beans taste "just like mama used to cook." I'll be checking those out soon.

Have you had such an experience with food?

Cooking Is A Problem

Cooking has been a major source of conflict around our house since I retired.  Very few women side with me on this issue.  Believe it or not but it is a problem.

Bob grew up in a children's home where he worked in the kitchen.  At our house he want's everybody to come running and skid right up to the table when he calls that it's time to eat.  We're then suppose to eat as rapidly as we can in order to get the meal over with and the kitchen cleaned up.  Having coffee between a meal and dessert is unheard of in this house.  It took me a lot of years to realize that came from his years at the children's home.  The goal was to move those kids through as fast as possible, get the dishes cleared and move in the next group.  Come on, step it up, you're burning daylight, move, move.

He came to our marriage a good cook, and I'm a good cook.  For many years all was well.  I worked days and he worked evenings.  He prepared dinner and left it for our children and me.  That was great, who could quarrel with that?  

Then the day came that I retired and decided I'd like to do some cooking again.  I quickly realized I had a problem.  The kitchen was no longer mine, it belonged to Bob.  He would say things like "I need to clean the knife drawer.  There's a lot of knives in there I don't use.  I need to get rid of them." What about me?  Are you sure we like the same knives?

I think I've posted before on this blog about our battles over grocery shopping. I've given up hope we'll ever be able to shop peaceably or share the kitchen peaceably.

Now I'm confronted with a new situation.  Bob's health has declined to the point he simply isn't capable of doing the cooking anymore.  It would be nice if he realized that but he doesn't.  A few days ago it suddenly dawned on me that I was hungry, that we needed food in this house.

I mustered up my courage and made a grocery list.  He never misses an opportunity to go to a grocery store so I knew he would go with me.  Our shopping methods are totally different plus he moves so slow these days that it takes ages, and I have to shop his way.  I gave myself a talking to and we took off.  Even though I have a list I never get everything when I go with him because I have to keep my eye on him and I get distracted.

Tonight I walked in the kitchen and said "Now look what you've done.  Now you've got to cook."  Bob is right at my elbow at all times telling me how he does it.  He asked to see the recipe but I was smart, I didn't have one.  That way he couldn't hold me to it.

I'd bought an acorn squash so I thought I'd cook a little ground beef, mix a little rice with it and some of the squash and then fill the cavity of the halves.  When I went to cook the ground meat I discovered he'd picked up sausage at the store.  I looked at it a minute and decided sausage would do so I moved on.  To my great surprise it was delicious. 

He's been eating very poorly lately but tonight he cleaned his plate and thought it was wonderful.  I can't afford to back off this time.  I'm going to try sneaking in the back door.  The kitchen needs a good cleaning.  He doesn't see well and refuses to wear his glasses.  I'm going to try cleaning a little every day and try not to move things out of their familiar places.

It would be nice if we could share the cooking but he just keeps creeping in on me.  I'll need to remain vigilant at holding my own.  He's prepared a lot of fabulous meals over the years but that's beyond his capabilities now.  For both our sakes it's time for me to do the cooking.

Divinity

Divinity is my favorite Christmas candy.  When I was younger I used to make it. Daughter is a good candy maker and decided to try her hand at divinity this year.

I shared all the tips I knew, and perhaps an old wives tale.  You know the one, that you can't make divinity if it's raining.

A storm was rolling in that day but it had not yet begun to rain when she made this batch.

I'd say she has reason to be proud of her first attempt.

She's promised to bring some when she comes for Christmas.  I hope her second attempt turns out well, I always found divinity tricky to make.

Date Roll

When Mr. Fixer-Upper and I were dating, fifty-four years ago, a member of his family made date roll.  I thought it was the best stuff I'd ever eaten.

Over the years I tried making it but it was never a success and I eventually gave up trying.

Texas daughter is trying her luck with candy this year and asked if there was any I'd particularly like her to bring.  I quickly said date nut roll.

She'll have to look for a recipe.  I no longer have the recipe and the lady it belonged to died this year at age 100.

I probably did not have a candy thermometer when I tried making it many years ago.  Hopefully Texas daughter will have good success.