One time I complained to a doctor friend about the response I got from my father every morning when I asked how he was feeling. Her response was "Stop asking him." At the time I didn't understand that response but as the years have passed I've understood it more and more.
My father suffered dementia, thinking and expressing himself was difficult. My question was not necessary and it added to his frustration. That was 1987.
Today in 2016 that statement crossed my mind again. It is almost impossible to get an accurate account of how Bob is feeling at any given time by asking him so why bother? I can tell more by watching him than by what he says.
While Susan was here we switched the recliner in his room for another one in hopes of finding one he would like. She made some adjustments to make it easier to raise the foot rest. She asked "Is that better?" He mumbled around but never gave her a good response. She went in the other room and adjusted his recliner's twin and asked a friend to sit in it and see if she thought it helped. She quickly said it helped a lot. What was gained by asking Bob?
This morning I told him that tomorrow we would go to either Walmart or FredMeyer to get fresh produce so which did he prefer. He never gave me a good answer. Tomorrow we will go to FredMeyer because we need an extender chain for his ceiling fan. From now on I won't ask.
I've been having a lot of lower back pain, all very annoying. Couldn't imagine what had happened.
Finally it dawned on me I have not used my lumbar cushion since I got the new recliners. I've used one for years but they aren't attractive. I thought surely I would not need one since the chair was new but not so. It's back in my chair and I don't care that it's unattractive.
Bob is slowly making the adjustment to having groceries delivered. He finally got around to asking me to let him see the receipt. He is going over it line by line but so far has not said a word. Unless he can figure out a better way to get groceries into this house he'd best not comment.
This morning, because we weren't out running to grocery stores, we worked together to make chicken kabobs that I will put on the grill when the time is right.