Portland, Oregon

Portland, Oregon

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Sometimes It Pays To Be Old

This week I took Bob to Home Depot to see about getting the screen part replaced in a window screen from our son's front porch. It was a small screen not much bigger than a foot across either way. Just right for a cat looking to escape. Push that screen and you're out, out into the jaws of the fox that wanders the neighborhood.

I left him to deal with the folks in the window screen section and I went off to buy oscillating fans. When we met back up I saw he was accompanied by a friendly young man carrying a roll of screen material and a tool.

They were bantering back and forth and I knew instantly the young man had fallen for Bob's charm. That snow white hair melts the hearts of all who meet him. He's friendly, a big tease, loves to talk and can talk his way through most any situation.

It seemed this young man was going to accompany us to our car. I was puzzled because I knew if he expected to give me instructions for replacing that screen we were in big trouble.

As we walked along I realized he was walking Bob out to his car and the young man was going to repair the screen at our car!  That's exactly what happened. I unlocked the car and the young man set to work in the back of our mini-van. In a flash we had a perfectly repaired screen.

Sometimes it pays to be old.
______________________________

Sent text message to daughter this morning. Feeling a little desperate about getting a handle on my own eating habits. It's clear I eat when stressed. If Bob lives five more years I'll be dead from overeating.

It's unfortunate he's so obsessed about food. That is the one thing I need to think about as little as possible. I can handle eating a diabetic diet when all is well in my world. Apparently I cannot handle it when all is not well in my world.

I threw out the idea to daughter that perhaps I needed to see some kind of food/behavior counsellor. Her response follows.

"Unfortunately, I don't see that seeing someone about food will help your situation. Dad drives the focus/discussion about food. He's the stressor in your world right now and he'll sabotage any plan you try to follow. Not fair by any means...but not going to change. God knows you've tried.

Maybe someone to help with stress/anxiety management. Maybe someone you can just vent to. There might be a person who can help giving advice on living with someone with declining health. Don't know.

Also might talk with the doctor about small dose of medication for anxiety to take the edge off. Easier to manage situations when you aren't hanging from the roof by your fingertips. 

I'm sorry it is so hard right now. I'll do what I can when I'm there, but it doesn't help you today."

I don't think a caregiver support group is the answer. I don't see any benefit to sitting in a circle listening to other caregivers tell their stories who have it much worse than I do.

I don't know that meds are the answer. I'm okay with caregiving if I could just get this food thing under control.

I can have my day well planned before he gets up and as likely as not in an hour he's shot those plans right out the window. Then it often results in eating what's quickest to grab which too often means fast food.

Next thing you know I'm grazing, putting everything I can find in my mouth.

I signed on for this job 54 years ago and I'm truly not feeling sorry for myself. I just need to get a handle on this food thing before I damage my own health.

Any suggestions?

25 comments:

  1. I like that window screen guy! We need more like him who can be charmed by men like Bob. I wish I had dietary suggestions. Actually, I need them myself, but Ken's not the "underminer." I am.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm going to write a Yelp review on that Home Depot store and compliment Ralph. We need a lot more Ralphs in the world.

      Delete
  2. Stress management techniques seems like the best way to go rather than food management. You already know all the "food rules", you just don't stick to them. Caregiver stress is real and when you feel like you're going to graze in the kitchen take some 'me time' to go for a walk, meditate---anything where you're alone to take a deep breath and relax for as little as five to ten minutes helps until the need to mindless eat passes.

    You say you have your day planned out before Bob gets up then he shoots those plans out the window so you find yourself going astray food wise. Would it work to sit down in the evening WITH Bob and plan the next day together? Write the plan out as a reminder to him that this IS what you're doing that day. I know it helped my husband to get up to a list. And including him in the planning makes a care recipient feel more in control of their lives. As a caregiver, you too are feeling the loss of control thus the source of your stress.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And on top of that I've developed hot flashes! What the heck is that about at this age in my life? I missed change of life with a hysterectomy so figured I'd been spared hot flashes. Creator who ever you are, 74 is a little late for hot flashes. Enough with that!

      Delete
    2. Didn't you say you are diabetic? Google hot flashes+diabetes.

      Delete
  3. How nice to get help with that screen.
    DH undermines my food intake as well, when he's gone I'm limited to what he bought me. When he's home, he just keeps buying more and more and he likes the sweets as well as I do, maybe more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like all of us are inclined to eat things that are bad for us. Wonder why that is?

      Delete
  4. Love your story about the young man helping to repair the screen! Restores our faith in humankind.

    I'm not sure what to say about the food issues. However if your first inclination is to see a food/behavior counselor, then perhaps that is what you should do. Trusting your own instincts on how best to help yourself may be a good place to start. The doctor who follows you for your diabetes may have a good referral.

    Your daughter sounds wonderfully supportive. So glad for you that you have her to talk to.

    Be sure to mention your hot flashes to your doctor as well. Sometimes they can be an indicator of other health issues.

    Caregiver stress is real. It helps to vent to others. Too bad we're not neighbors! We could take turns venting and offering moral support to each other!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our daughter is wonderfully supportive even though she lives in Texas. She's a nurse so she's helpful in a lot of ways. She tries to fly up about every six to eight weeks to keep an eye on things and do whatever she can. Our son lives here and will do whatever I ask but he has a family and isn't as focused on Bob as Susan and I. It's kind of like he just doesn't see opportunities to help. It may be kind of a guy thing.

      I wrote a nice review on Yelp today about the young man at Home Depot.

      Delete
  5. Jean and Carole have some good advice. Work with your doctor, and do tell him about the hot flashes.
    Maybe once in a while Bob needs to hear the word "No" and you need to put yourself first.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess I kind of had a melt down today. Daughter tells me when Bob goes to his room to nap to let everything go and make that my down time as well. Try to let all thoughts related to this situation go for whatever time he's asleep and do something that relaxes me. Perhaps reading blogs, listening to books etc. Try not to borrow from what may happen when he wakes up. I think that's good advice. I need to manage better the time I allow myself to be worked up over all this because it won't help him or me.

      Delete
  6. One word.....wine! Helps me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my, I do wish I enjoyed wine. I've tried so hard to find a wine I like because it also helps these essential tremors I live with. No luck, just doesn't seem to be an alcoholic beverage out there for me.

      Delete
  7. You have awareness of your triggers -- that has to be a good first step in dealing with the stress of being a caregiver. Any care giver needs to carve out some of her own breathing time. That's the only advise I can offer. I know that you will figure out how to do that -- maybe with a little help, maybe all on your own. Feed your strength more and perhaps the need to feed the body will diminish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Olga, I can admit now that I had a minor melt down yesterday. I continued to tweet during the day with daughter working on solutions. I think that helped. I'm feeling better about things this morning. Doesn't mean I won't melt down again from time to time but I'm sure that's part of care giving.

      Delete
  8. Can't offer any advice on the stress than all the excellent suggestions above. As far as food triggers, can you prepare some things you enjoy but which aren't bad for you and have them handy to grab when you just need to CRUNCH something?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Excellent idea. I need to think about some quick healthy snacks I can grab rather than snacks that are bad for me. I have the knowledge to do that. I met for quite some time with the food gurus about what diabetics can eat.

      Delete
  9. Linda, this may not be possible, but I started looking up "diabetic snack recipes" and then remembered that you don't enjoy cooking. So then I thought, well, maybe you could have someone come in just once a week to cook up some healthy food snacks that can be wrapped individually and popped in the freezer. Then you could grab something when you and Bob go out shopping. This could have the added advantage that Bob would enjoy chatting with the cooking person while you get to relax in the other room, coloring or something! Just a thought.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fort quite some time after my diagnosis I met with the food gurus so I have a good handle on the things I can eat. At that time I even carried a healthy snack in my purse. Raw almonds are a wonderful snack. I'll pick up some next week when I'm at the store.

      Delete
  10. Well I've just caught up reading your posts...all the way back to "if I could", and enjoyed every one! You sure have a big heart and a lot of patience. My eating habits right now are driving me crazy too, so you are not alone. I've been eating like every day will be my last...I am out of control and can't seem to get a grip, and I crave all the bad things like ice cream and cookies! Your daughter sounds very sweet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I've entered the stage where I have to make some choices. I can't do everything. Not going to be able to be perfect in my eating habits. Just do the best I can and not berate myself over it. Shop for better snack foods etc. I'm sure it will all come out in the wash.

      Delete
  11. I have a lot of trouble following my diabetic routine when other folks are around. When I'm alone, I eat according to my hunger or blood sugar. When other people are around I don't seem to "feel" the right timing like I do when I am alone. The Grand Girl will be here for a week. Now that I have recognized where the problem lies, I've got to start figuring a way to make things work while she is here. You have the same problem. If I figure anything out that I think will help you too, I'll let you know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My diabetes is actually very mild but I want to keep it that way! My sister-in-law in Houston says her blood sugar frequently runs in the 290s. She deals with it by fixing herself a margarita and sitting in her recliner until the danger passes!!

      Delete
  12. I have sort of the same sort of problem. I need to watch my weight and what I eat because I'm pre-diabetic. My husband on the other hand is much too thin and needs to gain weight. Sigh...

    I think some support services could be beneficial in the long run.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love the fellow at Home Depot. It's nice to run into a stranger that will do you a good turn.

    I understand the food problem. I cared for my father for a number of years and food was my greatest problem. Full-time caregiving can impact your health. I hope you find a way that works for you. There's no easy solution. It's a daily thing. From the sound of your daughter's note, you have done a wonderful job with her.

    ReplyDelete