Portland, Oregon

Portland, Oregon

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

A New Form and Some Comments

 

I had routine medical appointment this morning and was told by my physician the Advance Directive forms are no longer adequate. We filled out all that stuff a long time ago and thought we were through with that task. She told me today it's now necessary to have a Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST) form also.

I was familiar with the bright pink DNR (do not resuscitate) form from our years serving as legal guardians for elderly people. I don't remember filling out anything pink in all the Advance Directive papers we completed. Just to be sure, I brought two home to complete. This form also has to be signed by your physician. Got to stay on top of all this new stuff you know.

I saw this morning House Speaker Ryan has released some information about what Republicans plan to replace 'Obamacare' with once they repeal it. I scanned it and looks like the same old stuff they've been talking about for years. If you're counting on the repeal of Obamacare I am pretty sure you're going to be disappointed.
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Read an interesting post today at The Misadventures of Widowhood and thought I'd add some comments. I may be a little premature because I am not in her situation, widowed with no children or grandchildren. 

The post was about the acronym FOMO (fear of missing out). That was something new to me and I don't think I've experienced that, yet.

The part she wrote about finding herself uncomfortable in groups of people at luncheons I could understand. As a widow, living alone, and no close family she would like to meet some friends.  I wonder if that will happen to me? At this particular time in my life I can think of nothing I'd like to do less than go to luncheons and other social activities looking to meet friends.  I try very hard to stay away from such situations.

I've never been very good at making friends. I always choose friends that use me. I also had a situation with a neighbor very similar to one she describes where the person knew no boundaries, what was mine was hers, my house was her house etc. Once I was out of that situation I've been super careful not to let that happen again.

She also talks about the idea of moving where there's a higher concentration of older people, god forbid, I can think of nothing good about that idea, and neither was it appealing to her.  I will do that only as a last resort, when my health requires it. Until then I want to be out there mixing it up with the world that includes people of all ages.

She did make me think though, will I also be looking for friends if I should ever live alone? The number of family and friends I'm in contact with has decreased drastically as they've died. I do have a daughter I text a lot. How lonely would I be without that contact? Hmmm something to think about.  I urge you to pop over and read her post.

18 comments:

  1. You always provide food for thought, Linda.
    When I retired, I suddenly realized that most of the people I interacted with (and therefore filling my not-so-deep need for social contact) were just people at work. Once I left, those connections ended.
    Luckily, I've found a couple of people, but I guess I want a world where there's a fleet of people I can call if I want, but where I can stay home for three days with no obligations.

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    1. Absolutely, I hear you. In my case I retired and we moved out of state leaving a very active friendly neighborhood. I love being my myself but I have this little niggly feeling of what happens if I need somebody. What would I do? Our son lives here but by the time he could get to me I would probably have made other arrangements. I don't want to spend extended amounts of time on the phone to anybody.

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  2. I'm glad I made you think today. Before my husband died I never worried about having or making friends. He was my best friend, the person who knew me better than anyone. I do miss that kind of closest but I realize I'll never find that again. And people you knew as part of a couple don't necessarily stick with you once you're alone. It's not just me saying that; it's common in widowhood circles to lose friends.

    Interesting that your doctor's office gives out those kinds of forms where you life. Here, I had to go to my lawyer to get them drawn up and then take copies to the hospital and doctor's office. If I remember correctly they were 5-6 pages long covering all kinds of situations. I felt comfortable having the lawyer explain the pros and cons of each point.

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    1. It is definitely true that once you lose a mate you often lose 'couple' friends as well. That's too bad but it's true. I've thought about all this for ages. The truth is I'm not interested in reaching out at this stage of my life. Perhaps it's not time yet for me to take any action.

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  3. A new form, ugh, I hate paperwork! It seems that the older we get, the more hoops we have to jump. I really should have been born a hundred years ago.

    No, having family doesn't guarantee a thing.

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  4. Yep, more new paper work. I also hate filling out paper forms, much prefer doing them on the computer. It is very true, having family does not guarantee you'll have family around when you grow old. We're a very mobile society.

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  5. Golden years are full of tough decisions. some of us have found decisions difficult our whole life. these won't be any easier.

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    1. Always decisions. Different decisions for different stages of life.

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  6. My hubby is a fairly new retirement and I have a little while before I retire.
    He and I are slowly setting up our estate which isn't much.
    Coffee is on

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    1. Never too early to start planning. Good for you.

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  7. I don't know if our advanced directives are what is required now or not. I guess I should check into it, but ....maybe I'll put it off. I don't want to have to fill out more forms or pay a lawyer to change what we have drawn up.
    I have often thought about what my life would be like without Tom. I suspect I might be lonely, since I am not good at making friends either. Tom is my best friend and companion in all things. I'm not sure what I would do, but I would probably end up in a retirement home apartment. At least I have family around.

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    1. I agree, I was tempted to ignore this pink form. My family knows what I want and it may well be that what we filled out years ago is adequate. Since the doctor had them in her office I took two and will return them but doubt I would have put forth the effort to see about it otherwise.

      Let's hope Tom lives a very long time and you don't have to make these kind of choices. Keep him gardening.

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  8. You remind me that I have to take a look at all that. I have an advanced directive on file in VT, but I really need to find out how Florida deals documenting these decisions.
    My husband and I were very happy doing things together, but we both had other interests and friends outside of our coupledom. I have spent the last three years being grateful for the support and companionship of my friends.

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    1. Yes, you really need to look into these issues in Florida.

      You're very fortunate to be able to spend time in two states each year and have two sets of friends. Not many are so lucky.

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  9. Lately I've thought a lot about my being alone if Ken dies first, and I worry about him being alone if I die first. It's a big concern. We have no children, but I am close with a few nieces and nephews. I'm also close with one sister. Ken has no siblings. We have two very dear friens who have been like family for almost 45 years. I'm a bit of a hermit. I didn't realize this until I retired. I'm perfectly happy at home, knitting or gardening or working on whatever project interests me. But I like knowing Ken is around here somewhere, mowing the lawn (which he's doing at the moment) or puttering in his workshop. If I had to live here alone, I'd probably be very depressed. All of this weighs on my mind.

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    1. It's impossible to know the future but we do know women are often the ones widowed. Not always, but certainly more I would say. Given I'm such a planner and addicted always take the long rather than the short view, I would start looking at options should you ever find yourself widowed. Would you want to stay where you are, move somewhere else, volunteer, live near a yarn shop and on and on the possibilities go. I've got a couple of options in mind if I'm the one left. It makes me feel more secure knowing I have some options. Doesn't mean I have to do them immediately but I just feel better knowing I've planned ahead.

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  10. Being raised like an army brat has made making new friends in a new place or situation quite routine for me. When I moved here, I joined clubs that held my interest. Two gardening clubs, one cancer support group and one writing group. I made good friends in each but in time it boiled down to about 4 keeper friends that have all ready proven they will be there when I need them. Those types of friendships do take time but having common interests shortens the time span. If I had been a widow, pretty sure I'd have joined a widow's group for they would be the ones who truly understand.
    Now you got me thinking about my advance directives. Thanks.

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    1. Very good suggestions. I agree it does take time to form friendships that are keepers. My motto is always be prepared.

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