I've been fortunate the grief advice I've received has been good, just not good for me. I listen and express appreciation because there's always a chance I'll hear something I can use in my situation.
Books are my first go to when I want to learn something new. I read around in several books about grief, and scanned some Internet articles. A friend urged me to read a book that had been helpful to her. I read it but didn't find it helpful to me.
A recovery group was suggested, apparently a very good one. I can’t see myself in a group listening to others talk about their grief experiences, and I certainly do not want to listen to myself talking about mine.
Family and friends relate their experiences with grief, and I don't doubt what they tell me. It's just that it's their experience, not mine. There are as many grief stories as there are people.
Looking at old photos brings comfort to some, just not to me.
Some people have very realistic dreams of their loved ones. I've never been a dreamer, and will be very surprised if I dream about Bob.
Journal writing is very popular today but I've never written a journal about anything. It would seem to me journal writing might be helpful to those inclined to write about their experiences. Personally, that holds no appeal to me.
Activity is good for some, but it only made me tired and anxious.
I've never spent a lot of time thinking about the past, and I doubt I will do that in grieving. Frankly I think Bob would be pretty unhappy with me if I did. Once was enough to live a lot of that stuff.
What am I going to do about grieving? I have no idea.
Each person grieves in their own way, there is no way to or not to do so..Just give yourself what you need to live each day the only way you know..I am chanting for you my way of throwing out to the universe some comfort for you..sending my condolences even though I never met your hubs I can send love and peace to you..
ReplyDeleteWise advice. Thanks for your words of support.
DeleteHow about starting with a little self congratulations. You have just successfully completed one of the hardest jobs that life can throw at us, caring for a life partner at the end of his life. You didn't know how to do it, didn't know if you could do it, but you did it and you did it well. Rest easy with that knowledge.
ReplyDeleteLinda, thanks for your support during those hard days. Sometimes people don’t understand that with a death like Bob’s can come a sense of relief.
DeleteI hear you when you say Bob's death came with a sense of relief. We know many who have said that, too. Watching a loved one suffering is too hard. As for grief, there is no answer. We are all different and we all travel a different road. You will find yours, but be in no hurry.
ReplyDeleteWhen someone had been been struggling with health issues as long as Bob did their loved one/caregiver actually grieves in little stages before their care recipient actually passes. What ever you do with your grief recovery now is what is right for you.
ReplyDeleteYou had time to consider Bob's end so in a way grieving starts then. Each person has their own way of grieving. All the best to you in your journey.
ReplyDeleteI didn't get too deep into the grieving, but that's just the way I am.
ReplyDeleteI did feel the foggy widow brain however, for about 6 months.
Don't worry about how or if you are grieving, just take each day and do your normal things and if grief hits, sit and rest and let it out. Then--back to living in the now as best you can.
Grieving did not plop itself on your doorstep suddenly. You have been dealing with losses (grieving) over a long time now and you will continue in the way that is best for you.
ReplyDeleteI foolishly thought it was a matter of eight steps that I might check off one by one until I got to acceptance. I laugh at myself. There is no playbook.
I think you are exactly where you need to be at this moment in time. I say a prayer for you every morning. You did end of life care taking for your parents and your husband and you did it well. You are an amazing lady. One day at a time!
ReplyDeleteI think Linda Reeder said it very well. Also care giving is part of the grieving process and you had a long time to accept the inevitable.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you do is what you need to do. I didn't give much direct thought to the act of grieving. Only several years later could I look back and see I was a bit more discombobulated during the first year or two than I realized I was. In retrospect I tended to obsess by spending excessive time on some activities including having just been introduced to using a computer, finding the internet, then blogs. I no longer had interruptions -- my time was solely my own. I finally, through the following years, periodically wrote a little bit about it, but the experience is highly unique as is yours.
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