Portland, Oregon

Portland, Oregon

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Adjusting

I've been a little busy the last few days but life goes on and we're adjusting. Every day gets a little easier but those first three days about did me in.

I will admit to being blindsided by this one. I've done heart since the mid 90s but never plumbing. I feel like I've been getting men's plumbing information from a fire hose since Wednesday.

The more I hear the less confident I am that we're going to see a good solution to this situation. It's been my experience when people reach Bob's age (84) and a crisis develops they seldom return to what's considered norm.

We will see the urologist on September 7 and see what he has to say about the future.


Here he is thinking about his situation I guess. Notice the cup of liquid in his hand. I'm pushing fluids like crazy. We very quickly learned jeans would not work in this situation so I was off to shop for new pants. Bought the jersey athletic/exercise pants with elastic waist and he absolutely loves them, and I love them too. 

After shopping for pants I was on to the grocery store to find everything I could find that I might get him to drink. He absolutely does not like water. I've gotten a couple of glasses down him but not much. Lots of other liquids but not water. That was Thursday I think.


Friday is the day grandson visits so I knew I had to get with it to be done in time to pick him up at 11:00 a.m. Bob wanted to go with me so we were off to the medical supply store at the hospital.

Along the way we bought gas at Costco, which was on our way. Oregon has no self-serve gas in the whole state so buying gas is only a matter of handing over your credit card. At least he got to see the building from the outside.

On then to the medical supply store. He came across this bathroom chair and decided he needed it. We had discussed the need for a chair in the bathroom now so I was delighted when he was willing to buy this one. I was sure he'd say no when I told him it was $62 but not a peep did he say. They may be cheaper other places but you know that a old saying about "a bird in the hand being worth two in the bush." We got it.

He declined to take a shower Wednesday and Thursday nights so I knew Friday was going to be the day he was going to shower, afraid or not afraid. He would not let me put his new chair in the bathtub but we got it done. All the while I'm in that tiny bathroom assisting him he was kissing me and telling me "It won't always be this bad. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you, and you would have made a good nurse." I'm sweating to beat sixty, perspiration dripping off my hair down my neck, and he's wanting to kiss me, I was not amused.


Today 'we' made homemade chicken noodle soup. He said it was good but I don't like chicken so I wouldn't know. He's eating next to nothing so I'm willing to cook anything he's willing to eat. He likes pasta and he likes chicken.

His normal weight is 208. I weighed him this morning and he's at 193.2.

In addition to everything else he doesn't do change well so he became very confused. He never stops wanting to help though. Grandson about freaked out when he discovered a knife and fork in the silverware drawer that Bob had obviously taken from dirty plate to cabinet drawer, bypassing the dishwasher. I could have told him that wasn't all, I've also found dishes that went from table to cabinet without being washed.

Today he seems to be some better. Things are settling down and he's beginning to adjust.

He's enjoying all the added attention. Seems to think we're new best friends and wants to keep me close at all times.

22 comments:

  1. You made me chuckle at the image of Bob trying to kiss you while you were helping him shower.

    He's so vulnerable right now, and you are his life line. If there is a baseline of a little confusion, any changes just add to the confusion. And Bob certainly is going through some major changes now.

    You take such good care of him. Don't forget to take care of yourself too!

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    1. Not sure how to take care of myself. Haven't spent a night away from him since 2009. Daughter has offered to take me to the coast but I hate depriving him of time with her. I'm not a real social person, and don't like to shop. Unless we have a crisis I'm usually fine. Now that we're past the grocery store obsession things are much better. I'll actually be much better off if he ever stops 'helping' so much.

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  2. Maybe Bob is a little afraid of all the changes and that's the reason he wants to keep you close by? Glad he's using a shower chair most accidents happen in the shower. That $62 sounds like a good price to me. I can identify with Bob getting playful in the shower with you, my husband was the same way, brought out his silly side.

    They make tiny favoring pouches to add to water that add flavor and very few calories. Crystal Light is one brand. They really do make water taste better!

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    1. Without a doubt he has fears. I try to be sensitive to that but like taking a shower, I had to override that fear and see that he took one. I did however stay with him through it all. Then he said I was right and he felt much better. Will see if he remembers that tonight.

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  3. The different moods and behaviours are certainly difficult for you to cope with but he also is finding life and changes difficult and doesn't know what to do.

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    1. Change is the name of the game around here. I'm thankful I'm ten years younger than Bob. It would be a lot harder if we were both 84.

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  4. Linda, what a wonder you are. Bob is right to keep you close!

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    1. You can do what you have to do. I learned that years ago. I'm going to keep him at home as long as I possibly can and hope we can see it through with him at home. I may have to call in some services but we can do that.

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  5. Reading your shares are really helpful for so many of us. Some readers are in similar situations. Some readers will be helpers/caregivers in the future. And most all of us will be faced with the same of similar problems of our own in the future. I think knowing future problems is easier to handle than the unknown. So, for myself, I appreciate hearing what you and Bob are going through and I pray for each of you to receive all of the strength you need.

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    1. It comes to every family at one time or another. You just have to back your ears & do it. I really thought one time around the track was enough but there must be something I'm missing because I'm now on my third lap. It helps to have blogger friends I can sound off to.

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  6. Linda, you are so amazing. Truly. You and Bob remain in my prayers.

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    1. Thanks, we can use a lot of those.

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  7. You touch my heart with your caring and strength.

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    1. Thanks, you've walked this path before me. You understand.

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  8. Linda, you put Wonder Woman to shame. I recall taking care of my husband when he was in two leg casts and thinking that the next husband I pick out will be a smaller model. (Still have the original one, though.) :0)

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    1. When this one is gone I have no plans for getting another one. Once was enough for me.

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  9. I've been following your journey with Bob for awhile now. It's a great tutorial that we'll all be needing sooner or later. One day at a time.

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    1. I'm excited to hear from you. Are you still blogging? Haven't been able to get to your blog. Yes, unfortunately most of us will either become a caregiver or someone will care for us. When caregiving becomes this intense it leaves a big hole when it's over. I'm wondering how I will cope then. I don't need a dog for many reasons but one would sure be company I'm thinking.

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  10. His timing might have been off but his gratitude brought tears to my eyes. It has to help you in the wee hours knowing that he does appreciate and understand how much you are doing for him. You are an angel lady.

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    1. Yes, you'll do just about anything when someone appreciates your efforts. I am indeed fortunate.

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  11. Ah, Linda. I've been thinking about you the last few days and wondering how y'all were doing. This new development is very sobering. I'm glad Bob loves and appreciates you. I know of situations were the caregiver is verbally abused and mistreated no matter how much she does for her husband.
    We went to visit Mother this afternoon. She can barely get around on her walker. I'm not sure but I'm just wondering if she has not done very much in so long that now she CAN'T! At any rate she told me today that she can never come back to my house again. She said she is too old! Not sure how Deanie will feel about that and I'm pretty sure she has the final say. On the way home I told Louis Dean how grateful I am for our life and how important it is to not get sick or fall! He's 80 years old and poured concrete yesterday for the footings on a storage building. Tomorrow he will dig fence post holes for a new section of fencing he's putting up. I hope and pray he stays in good shape for a long, long time! He's a big man at 6' and 230 pounds. I'm much smaller at 5' and 100 pounds lighter.
    Will keep you both firmly in my prayers! I do so admire you!

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  12. You've been fortunate your mom has been mobile & care for her own hygiene this long. Sounds like that might be about to change. That's going to be big time decision time. No good solutions I fear. Those of us who married older men frequently wind up in the role of caregivers. I hope LD stays well for a very long time. We did hospital bed in our home and home health nursing care for each of my parents and I'm prepared to do it again if it comes to that. Your size could be a problem with a man the size of LD.

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