Portland, Oregon

Portland, Oregon

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

In Between Times

All I need now is a hummingbird.

These are uneasy days for me. Bob has not felt well for several days. I can handle the bad times and I can handle the good times, it's the in-between-times that get to me.

I look at him and know something isn't right. He is not a complainer. In fact he doesn't offer enough information. Sometimes I wish I'd been trained as a vet, I think I could better tell what ails him. 

Low blood pressure is always a problem. Sometimes he's symptomatic and sometimes he isn't. I try not to bring that subject up unless I have to. He likes to use a wrist cuff. I like to use an arm cuff. It's best not to get his OCD worked up if it can be avoided.

His symptoms now are not bad enough for me to call the doctor. He just seems off. That's what gets to me, do I call the doctor, do I not call the doctor?  I hate that. Fortunately our daughter is a nurse so I text back and forth with her. She's a lot of help to both of us. He has a few other things going on but nothing we can pin down yet. We're in that watch and wait time.

This means I need to pick up more kitchen duty. We need groceries but I do not want to take him to the grocery store with me if I'm going to be worried he's not going to make it. He wants to go with me. That man does love a grocery store! I suggested he use one of the motorized carts. Nope, not going to do that. What's that saying, "Pride goeth before a fall."

Saturday when he didn't have enough breath or energy to stand more than a few minutes in the kitchen I suggested he just sit at the table and I'd give him some things he could do, like peeling apples, etc. Nope, wasn't going to do that. Said if he did that it would be giving up and he had to keep moving.

He wanted me to walk with him up to the mailboxes. I could have done that but no, he said he needed the exercise. He got his cane and off we went. He'd walk a few steps and stop, then walk a few more steps and stop. We did that up there and back.

He's not a lot of help with his situation because he doesn't understand what ails him. He's really lost with his medications. 

I'm thankful he has not given up and I'm thankful he doesn't complain. I just wish I could read him better, or he was able to communicate better with me on the in-between-times.

NEWS FLASH
It finally came to me in the night. Bob's problem is his new recliner! Well not the recliner itself, but all the activity surrounding it. To put it in his room we had to disturb his nest, move some things around and trash some stuff, trauma time in his little world. We had to get rid of his old recliner so on Saturday evening I invited our son and his family over for pulled pork sandwiches and asked them to load his old recliner in the back of our van so I could drive it to Goodwill.

I thought it all went well but I should have known better. Bob just can't handle that much disruption. I feel much better now. I'll make sure he gets a few totally uneventful days until he's recovered.

18 comments:

  1. I'm a recent reader to your blog. Did Bob have a stroke or some other major health crisis or has he always been uncommunicative and easily stressed by change? Aging is hard!

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    1. Bob is 84 and old, very old. Some people are not old at 100 and others are old at 50. Bob is emotionally very old because he chose not to broaden his horizons in life. I tell people he is exactly the same as when I married him 54 years ago. I've reinvented myself so many times I have no idea what I was like when we married. He has heart disease, got a pacemaker last August. He has no immune system due to a blood condition so we have to be protective of him in hopes of avoiding infection. He is pleasant, easy to live with, loves his family, a big tease, all the medical people love him but intellectually he is about a half inch deep and he intends to keep it that way. He simply doesn't engage if it means anything deeper. He has chosen not to be involved with his health issues. Talk serious and he checks out. He's always been OCD and had a lot of anxiety. He also worries a lot. Very prone to smothering his family because he wants us all around him all the time. With age all these things are magnified. Dementia, not so much, just very slow in his thinking. As he's gotten older anything new that takes him out of his routine is very hard for him to deal with.

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    2. Thanks for taking the time to explain. It sounds like you've got a good handle on all the moving parts that it takes to keep Bob's and your life running a smooth as possible. Still, caregiving a pleasant and co-operative loved has its ups and downs.

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    3. I, too, appreciate this conversation!

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  2. You are so blessed to have a daughter you can turn to for medical advice. You made a good point about how being a vet would be helpful. They have to diagnose with little help from the animal. You are working with similar restrictions and I admire your determination. Hope the old recliner removal does the trick.

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    1. I don't know what I'd do without our daughter. Today I am making a concentrated effort to get him back in his routine. I think that will help. I am such a spontaneous person it's hard for me to think before acting. I did not go to the store planning to buy him a new recliner, it just happened. I consciously do very little that changes his world. In the long run his new chair is much better for him but in the short term it was stressful for him.

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  3. Maybe Bob is angry with you and doesn't want to show it. I have a feeling you wouldn't tolerate an upset.

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    1. I'm not sure what you mean by your comment so I think I'll just leave it be.

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  4. It's interesting (and sad) how change can be so difficult for some,...and for the person living with him or her. Your response to Jean R is very enlightening. You don't have it easy. Hope you get that trip to Astoria and see some sea lions! Also, the hummingbirds will come!

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    1. Most of the time I do pretty well with it as long as nothing out of the ordinary is going on. Health issues are the biggest problem. Since he's chosen not to be involved it's very hard to know what merits a trip to the doctor or an ER visit.

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  5. Love your flowers and your hummingbird feeder!

    So sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like you are handling things as best as can be expected. You clearly know what he likes, what keeps him happy, and you are trying hard to accommodate his needs. Your sensitivity to his needs is sure to be appreciated by him. So glad you have your daughter to help you through this difficult time.

    Don't be too hard on yourself Linda. You are in a difficult situation, for which there are often no easy answers. I'm glad you are writing about it; the blogging community is here to support you :-)

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    1. Yes, blogging friends are nice. Now and again you need an escape valve and blogging does that for me.

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  6. The ocd diagnosis Is key. For them there's only one right way to do anything. You've danced around it and been able to cope. Sometime with anxiety these people can be very negative and miserable to deal with.

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    1. Our children are wonderful. It would be much harder without them. They are very devoted to both of us and of course understand their dad. They lived with him so they understand. They approach him in different ways. Son absolutely will not cross him about anything. Daughter is a nurse and has a more authoritative presence. Bob seems to respect her authority and will do things for her he wouldn't do for me or Rodger. We've had some difficult times through the years when I've just had to sit him down and say "You've screwed the vice too tight. Loosen up. We can't live like this." By the time it gets to that stage he knows I mean business and generally falls in line. Most of the time our days are peaceful and he's very cooperative when I take him into the medical world.

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  7. As always, I admire how you are able to think the situation out and handle it in the easy way for Bob to live with. My ex-BIL was somewhat the way Bob is, needing things to go certain ways. Makes me glad for my sister that he is her ex so her life won't have some of the problems you face with Bob. However, I'm sure we will all be a pain in the behind as we get older. No one wants to give up the freedom we had in our heyday. You are doing a great job and even if he doesn't realize it, we do. Well done.

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    1. There are times I wonder if I'll know what to do if I'm left alone. I've been on such a short leash for so many years I may not have the courage to branch out. Eveyrtime I leave the house I know he's anxious. Often he meets me at the car when I return. Our children grew up with him. We automatically report in to him when we're out. He has to know we're all safe. Most of it I don't notice until I hear other women talking about doing things I would never think of doing because of Bob.

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  8. Thank you for responding to Jean R and describing Bob, his conditions, and what you are dealing with. Even though I have known you as a blogging friend for a long time, it helps to put all the pieces together.
    I do admire you for your patience and love for your Bob through very difficult times. He is very fortunate to have you as his caregiver.

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    1. Here's one for you. When I leave the house he gets on the computer to watch where I use the debit card so he knows my location. I think there are tracking apps on cell phones but I don't want to get that started. Most of the time things are fine but it does get wearisome at times. Especially when it relates to his health. I've been doing this a lot of years. People call my attention to things I'm not even aware of. He is a fraternal twin and his twin could not have been more opposite.

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