Portland, Oregon

Portland, Oregon

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Some of My Thoughts

This week we lost a family member in a memory care center in Texas. Her sons were astounded and totally embarrassed watching their mother turn into a raging racist. This was something we discussed after her death, how did this happen, what caused it?

Their mother was 83 and a native Texan. Those of us who lived through the sixties as adults had some soul searching to do and needed our attitudes adjusted. Apparently that before 60s language remains buried in our brains regardless of how many years it's been since we used it. I find that scary.

In the care center she was belligerent to her black caregivers. When she was in the hospital she as sweet and kind to her white caregivers.

This leads me off to another related subject. No doubt the young black women caring for her in the memory care center made little more than minimum wage. Probably they had no more than a high school education. For that we expect them to be kind to this woman using racist language while they wipe her butt?

At the hospital the young white men and women had some kind of professional training and no doubt made higher wages than the caregivers in the memory care center. Also they were not subjected to racist language while they went about their work.

I'm still thinking about this matter. Do you have any thoughts to add?

9 comments:

  1. It makes me sad. Many care givers here in private memory care homes are Asian. When our neighbor had to place her old crotchety husband in a care center, she had to find one that was not staffed by Asians. Old ways of thinking brain cells apparently don't die off as quickly as moderated ones.
    Care givers definitely need to be paid a living wage.

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    1. Something is wrong in this country when we pay minimum wage to the people who care for our elderly and our children so we can follow careers, and pay for fine homes and fancy cars. Doesn't speak well for our society.

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  2. Oh, this is so sad. So sorry for your loss Linda.

    I can only relate what I see with my husband, as the dementia progresses. We have a filter in our brain that keeps us from saying whatever pops into our heads. Somehow, as the dementia progresses, as the brain damage worsens, the part of our brain that helps us to remain civilized becomes damaged as well.

    In addition, the brain damage from dementia can result in lack of insight to our behavior and our actions.

    There is currently no good answer to providing care for those with dementia at the end of their life. Paid staff are not paid enough, and even if the wages were higher, we are asking them to be immune to hurtful things said by the patient.

    I don't have the answers to this, but it is about to become a national crisis as the baby boomers age and require more assistance at the end of their lives.

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    1. I totally agree. There are a few saints in this world who feel a 'calling' to work with these people but not nearly enough and there never will be enough.

      After serving a number of years as court appointed guardians it is some easier for caregivers who have no emotional ties to the patient to deal with the awful things some say. Things that really wound family can be brushed off if you're unattached.

      As the cost of healthcare rises and the boomers age the problem will increase.

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  3. It reminds me of when my beloved maternal grandpa had a massive stroke. Prior to his stroke, he was the kindest, most gentle human I had ever met. Never a negative word, let alone any swear words, ever. After his stroke, the ONLY words he could utter where swear words. Worse than that, he knew it, and tears would stream down his face. 😢

    I have no other words, other than I think loss of the brain is the worst fate of all, and there isn't enough money in the world to repay their care givers.

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    1. I totally agree. By far mental illness is the most cruel of all. Not possible for all mentally ill to be cared for at home but how to offer the best care possible in our world is the big question.

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  4. My husband and I have been having conversations about this "Make America Great Again" slogan of the Republican party. What it really means is to take America back to the time when this was the norm. This family member was just acting as they knew how to do, having lived in this "great" time.

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    1. Absolutely. Deliver me from looking backward. That is not the way to make America great again.

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  5. I'm late to this post, but if people with dementia or other brain destroying diseases were allowed to include this into our living wills while we are of sound mind, these diseases could be added to the terminally ill qualification to stop ALL treatment, do VSED or assisted suicide where allowed. I'm sure most of these people, back when they had sound minds, would not to be wanting to live like this knowing there behavior wasnt the "real" them. Almost no one wants to live for years with dementia or in a vegetative state from a severe stroke. I know I sure wouldn't.

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