Portland, Oregon

Portland, Oregon

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

A New Development

My day started out well but soon began to go sideways. Ever have one of those days? Mid morning I took Bob to the DMV to get his handicap pass. It will need to be renewed in 2021 when he has to renew his drivers license. He told the woman that would not be a problem he thought he could make it. That would make him 89.

We stopped in town and had a nice lunch.

Flowers at lunch restaurant.

During lunch he mentioned he needed milk and peanut butter.  I have to confess we're probably making close to the same number of trips to the grocery store as before I began having groceries delivered, we just don't buy much. His love of grocery stores has not diminished.

He got a small grocery cart as we entered. A few feet into the store I turned to tell him I was going to the gardening section and saw he was in trouble. He very softly said "I have to sit down." I grabbed him under his arm pits and told him to lean on the cart and head for the front door. I knew there was a bench there.

Had that been yesterday he would have been in a heap on the floor in Costco because I did not walk with him there.  I lived through a broken hip with my mother and I don't plan to live through one with Bob if I can help it.

I got him home and set about to collect myself and decide what to do next. First I ran a report of his blood pressure readings for the last month and printed it. That in hand I drove to the cardiologist office and left it with my number for him to call me before the day is over.

Back home I got mad. I texted daughter and told her I did not intend to take her father to another grocery store unless he would agree to use a walker with a seat. Hoping to play the peacemaker she thought the Mac Sports Folding Cane Chair - Walking Stick with Stool might be more acceptable to him to use so I ordered it.

Let me be clear I am not a happy camper, and this battle is not over.  This means I can no longer trust him to go anywhere without me by his side. If he has no where to sit he's going to wind up on the ground or the floor. I think he could manage to turn and sit down on a walker seat, but I'm not at all sure he'd be able to unfold this cane chair seat and get himself seated if I were not with him.

I will try to remain calm here until I hear from the doctor but if I'm not satisfied I may turn into a wicked witch and lay down some unpopular rules.

19 comments:

  1. Take a deep breath, lower your voice one octave. I hope this calms you down. I would tell young teachers to do this when the class was getting out of control.

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    1. My daughter has already told me to take a deep breath. Perhaps tomorrow things will be better.

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  2. I hope tomorrow will be better.

    Most big stores have electric scooters around here for customers to use. I your stores do, maybe you could lay down a law that Bob must use one if he wants to shop.

    I've always found those cane chairs to be a waste of money because they're so small and it takes a certain amount of balance that a lot of people don't have. And the seat part is low. But maybe you'll have better luck. Walkers with seats are more stable and safe.

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    1. To this point Bob has refused to use the electric scooters. After today he may be happy to use one because I'm not taking him again unless he's using a walker with a seat or one of the electric carts.

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  3. Linda, you may certainly use us to vent your frustration, your anger, your fear. That's one stubborn man you have there.
    Really, forget the chair cane. A seated walker is now a must, and use of electric scooters where available. You do need to lay down the law.

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    1. I am truly at my wit's end. Today when I was in the car by myself on the way to the cardiologist office I cried. Bob is very spoiled. It's very seldom he doesn't get his way. Neither of the kids can bear to think about crossing him, certainly not son, daughter sometimes. I can't take another chance with him. it scared me too bad. A broken hip to care for is something I do not need. One of us is going to have to use some reason and apparently it's going to have to be me.

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  4. Oh, I do hope the cardiologist called back. Low blood pressure is nothing to fool around with, especially with the elderly. You are smart to put your foot down and make certain that it is safe for him to be out and about. I agree with the above comments, that the walker with a seat or an electric scooter are really the only safe options. Good luck Linda. We are all rooting for you!

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    1. Too early this morning for a call back from the cardiologist's office. Did talk to the nurse late yesterday afternoon. I understand why he wants his blood pressure low but the nurse says the readings are lower than the doctor likes.

      These low readings may be good for his heart but it does nothing for his quality of life.

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  5. Linda, if you accept the fact that YOU have to be the one to decide what is safe and what is not, your life will be easier. When a person is in decline like Bob is, they get into a cycle of denial and an attitude that says, "if I just push through this today, tomorrow will be better." They can't trust them to use common sense because that is admitting something to themselves they don't want to face. You have to be strong for both of you. Make safety rules, stick to them and don't look back.

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    1. Oh Jean, you are so right. Bob so wants this decline to stop and go away. He very much believes he can power through on this and all will be well. I simply cannot bear to think about taking him to another grocery store without a safety net. The thought of a broken hip terrifies me. I will have to see several weeks of good blood pressure readings before I can think about setting him free and don't think I'll ever reach that point again when it comes to grocery stores.

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  6. This is tomorrow and I hope you have gotten some answers from the doctor. I think if Bob tries the electric scooter, he will love it. I know I did when I broke my leg. For him it might be like driving again and it certainly opens up the store for the rider. Good luck.

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    1. He's very resistant to using the electric scooter because that would be acknowledging his decline. We'll see how long he chooses to sit this out because I'm not going back unless he uses the electric cart or a walker with a seat.

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    2. Linda, even if you see several weeks of good blood pressure reading, don't back down from establishing safety rules for grocery shopping. It's hard enough to fight the fight once, no point having to do it a second or third or fourth time when ever his blood pressure dips. It's kinder to help him accept the change to using a walker or scooter just once.

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  7. All I can say is......I do so admire you and your love for your husband. I am proud of you for setting boundaries that work best for BOTH of you! Your valiant efforts to insure quality of life for BOTH of you is inspiring. I'm not there yet with Louis Dean but you are seeting a very good example to follow.

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    1. Dr is stopping his blood pressure medicine. Wish I thought that was enough to set things right but I doubt it. However, it is the place to start. Will see what develops in the coming weeks.

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  8. Linda, I think Jean is right. Bob is in decline. He may rally many times but I think that when he does rally, if you let him walk alone again, you will be repeating the steps over and over. I'm so sorry for him and for you. I can remember some of the problems we had with my mom and I have told my children that when I get to various stages they must remember that like a toddler, I am just unhappy I cannot do everything I want to do. They cannot let my frustration cause undue hardship on their lives. I remember letting mother get away with things because she wanted her life to be her own but she was not the same and could not live that lifestyle anymore. It is just as hard on the loved one as it is the patient because you want to let them do this as if it would make them better but it won't. I've also watched a friend only slightly older than me deal with difficult medical issues. His need to be his "old self" takes 3 employees and his wife to pull off. Remember you are only one person be as good to yourself as you are to Bob.

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    1. Bob's twin died a little over a year ago. He & his wife fought like hell every day of the 59 years they were married. His wife turned a deaf ear and a blind eye to so many things she should have paid attention to. She is now overwrought with guilt and works hard to make sure I don't do the same. Sorry, Bob and I have not fought for the 54 years we've been married. I am very tuned in to Bob's needs and I have no plans to feel guilty when he's gone. I will admit that he is spoiled but I'm not the only one contributing to that. There are good times and bad times to this kind of care. It is a normal sequence to life. I intend to do the best job I can but also recognize my limits. I have no intention of coming out of this on a guilt trip. Letting him continue the way he was going would have done just that. I would feel awful if he fell and broke his hip. When it's just the two of us at home things are great. Danger is everywhere when when get out in the world running here and there. He doesn't think as fast as he used to, he doesn't pick his feet up when he walks, his blood pressure is too low. At home all that is manageable but not if we're running our heads off.

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